I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
