I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
