I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
