Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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