Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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