yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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