Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
