final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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