hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
