you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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