The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
