dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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