So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
