i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
