I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
