Need sex. Gaining weight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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