420 ftw
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
