I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
