i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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