last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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