i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
