Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
