My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
