I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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