Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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