11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
