do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
