so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
