My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
