he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
