he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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