Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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