just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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