You can't motorboat a personality
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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