I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
