And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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