If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
