I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We don't watch enough power rangers
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
