The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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