i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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