I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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