The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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