I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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