well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
