I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
