We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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