fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
