Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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