I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
