he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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