I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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