The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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