how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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