I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
