i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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