ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
