he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
