maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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