I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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