i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
