There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
