ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize