Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
not ubering you a puppy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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