every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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