I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I smell stomach acid.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
