Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
