How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
