If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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