That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
