Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
