my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
