Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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