So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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