the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
