Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
