We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
