I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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