The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
