The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
