jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
