I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
