When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
