Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
